When I post updates like, “If you watch Godzilla backwards its about a dinosaur who passionately pieces a city back together before moonwalking into the sea.” you smile. And that makes me happy. But only for a moment. When I bake and post a picture of the cookies I made. You like the pictures and ask me to bake you some. It makes me happy. But only for a moment. When I post about my new job and you congratulate me, genuinely happy for me. It makes me happy. But only for a moment.
For a very long time, I have been dealing with depression. It is a horrible thing. It eats away at you. Makes you do things you wouldn’t otherwise do. Makes you distance yourself from those who love you. Makes you the worst version of yourself. But some of us are able to mask it. Live for those moments when we are made to feel good about ourselves…while dying inside. We have to keep pushing on though. We do have a purpose in life. To make a difference in people’s lives. To put a smile on a sad person’s face. To do the things that make us feel good.
I realise that that is easier said than done, but if you are dealing with depression like I have been, please seek help. Know that you are not alone.
I have been lucky. I have found someone who understands me. Who understands my moments. Who understands my way of communication. I have found Mark. The man I will soon be married to. The man I am in love with. He has helped me know me better.
You do have someone who loves you. Who would do anything for you. Who would move mountains for you. Who will always listen…
“But I don’t.” I hear you thinking…
I am right here. I will listen.
And to everyone else…be kind. You really have no idea what demons the person walking beside you is dealing with.